Which fictional robot do you wish you owned?

Games, movies and TVs love to throw in a robot, either to be a merciless killing machine or as some comic relief. Which one would our writers actually want to buy from Robots Are Us though? This is the latest in a series of big questions we’ll be interrogating our writers with, so share your answers and suggestions for topics with us on Twitter. (opens in new tab)  

Teddy from A.I. Artificial Intelligence

I could have written a 5000-word think piece about sex robots, but my mum sometimes reads this article so I’ll go with the SFW option instead. When I saw A.I. Artificial Intelligence I thought the Haley Joel Osment bot was pretty creepy, but damn I wanted to steal his toy. Teddy is Super Toy bear that looks cuddly and cute, but has an air of melancholy about him that I completely respect. Sure, it would look weird when I took him to meetings, but you just know he would look super cute it a business suit. Rachel Weber 

Dog from Half-Life 2 

Dog from Half-Life 2 (opens in new tab) is the kind of robot I would unquestionably die for. Having the characteristics that usually belong to our canine compadres, he was built to be Alyx’s protector but grew (literally, as Alyx added to his frame when she grew up) to be her friend, and hot dang that’s the kind of wholesome relationship I’m looking for. From his inquisitive body language to the fact that he can tear humans limb from limb without breaking a sweat (or dripping oil), Dog is the kind of companion I want. Plus as he doesn’t have a heart, blood, or organs, there’s the distinct possibility that he’d never, ever die. I’d just need to continually fix him up to keep him sprightly. And if reading a robotics manual cover-to-cover is the price I have to pay for having someone as loyal as Dog in my life, then sign me the hell up. Zoe Delahunty-Light

Wheatley from Portal 2 

Wheatley’s not the villain of the story in Portal 2. He’s simply misunderstood. A hapless but well-meaning “Intelligence Dampening Sphere” that was designed as a personality core for GLADOS, the part of Wheatley was written specifically for British actor Stephen Merchant by Valve’s team of talented writers, and it shows. It’s one of those perfect symbioses of character and performer, where every sharply crafted line of dialogue is done justice by Merchant’s dry Bristolian tones.  Sure, Wheatley may be “the dumbest moron who ever lived”, as GLADOS puts it, but deep down, all he really needs is a friend. Not only that, but his small spherical build and set of dual handles make him one of the most portable robot companions you could ask for. Take that, C3PO.  Alex Avard

Goemon Impact from Ganbare Goemon

He’s ten stories tall, he fights by shooting flaming coins out of his nose and extendo-punching enemies with his big ball-chain arms, he roller skates, he’s a Hollywood star, he even sings his own theme song (opens in new tab) (strong contender for the first mechanical EGOT right here). What’s not to like about Goemon Impact? I don’t want to own him, but I would love to be friends with him.  I’m tempted to wish for a giant robot version of myself rather than Goemon Impact specifically, since he’s the helpful mechanical counterpart to the hero of Konami’s Mystical Ninja series. But it would probably be cooler just to hang out with Goemon Impact himself – even if he did have to go skating off into action every time Goemon blew the Triton Shell. Connor Sheridan

Codsworth from Fallout 4 

What’s better than an unwaveringly loyal robot butler? A robot butler with flamethrower hands, that’s what. Cheerful and well-meaning despite his capacity for wanton murder, there’s nothing that Codsworth from Fallout 4 can’t do. Honestly, his dedication makes us all look like a bunch of good-for-nothing slackers. Before the bombs dropped, this plummy-voiced housebot did the dishes, cared for a baby, buffed the car, made coffee, cooked, and finished every other task we were too lazy to do. After the apocalypse, though? He kept doing the same thing. For 200 years straight. That’s commitment. I mean, fine, your house now looks like utter garbage and the roof has caved in. He’s also gone slightly bananas (his solution to the loss of your significant other is offering a sandwich, for instance). But hey, he’s come out of it well compared to other wasteland survivors. He doesn’t want to eat us, for starters. I’d chalk that up as a win. Benjamin Abbott  

Arthur from The Journeyman Project series

Ok, so Arthur is technically just an AI – but he resides in your time-traveling jumpsuit, so I’m going to count that as robot status. The sci-fi adventures of The Journeyman Project series both entranced and terrified me as a kid, when FMV could still be scary and Game Overs conveyed just a hint of what actual sudden death might be like. These games are also like Myst, in that you’re exploring wide-open spaces in defenseless first-person, always dreading the thought of running into someone hostile. But Arthur is there to add some levity to the proceedings with his constant chatter and corny jokes, which I thoroughly appreciate as a destressor when trying to solve your own case of being framed via time travel. With his limitless translation skills and penchant for doing goofy voices, Arthur is part C-3PO, part Genie from Aladdin, and I’d be stoked to hang out with him on the regular. Lucas Sullivan

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