Before Black and White arrived last month, there were 493 pocket monsters clogging the fields, caves and streams of the Pokemon universe. Each creature comes with its own official description, some of which are… well, honestly they’re pretty messed up. We already identified the most disturbing offenderslast year, but now, with 156 new Poke-men running around, there’s a brand new batch of hideous critters to stare at and wonder, “why would theywrite that??”
Official description: “Being consumed in Chandelure’s flame burns up the spirit, leaving only the body behind.”
In the real world, the worst fate you can suffer from a wild animal is a slashed torso, maybe a ripped throat or some other kind of physical damage. In the Pokemon world, apparently your SOUL can be assaulted, burned and destroyed. Who the hell would ever go outside with these things floating around?
Official description: “It clenches opponents with its left arm and finishes them off with foul-smelling poison gas belched from its mouth.”
At long last, man’s arrogance towards the environment has spawed its greatest enemy: Godz…er, Garbodor! I love how descriptive this entry is, going so far as to specify which arm clenches its prey and that the poison gas smells terrible. Despite being a ball of sentient trash, I think Garbodor is kinda cute, and actually looks a tad like Totoro…
Official description: “Highly aggressive, it uses the claws near its neck to dig into its opponents and poison them.”
Based on the description alone, this sounds like many bugs and animals in the real world. Nature is a rough place, so yeah, critters are poisoning each other and shredding limbs and so forth. But what makes Scoliopede particularly nasty is the fact he’s listed as EIGHT FEET TALL and 440 pounds. If just ONE of these things got loose… that’s the end, people.